


Wake

by toffeecape



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Steve Rogers, Crying, Deepthroating, Denial, Dirty Talk, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Magical Healing Cock, Oral Sex, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Top Bucky Barnes, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 18:00:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2477330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toffeecape/pseuds/toffeecape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has trouble processing grief. Bucky helps him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wake

“Thank you, Buck,” Steve says seriously, “but I can get by on my own.”

“The thing is, you don’t have to.” Bucky claps a heavy hand on Steve’s shoulder, squeezing him as tightly as he can, keeping himself at arm’s length. “I’m with you to the end of the line, pal.”

Steve looks down and heaves a sigh, looks up and a sad little smile flickers across his face, and Bucky breaks. He leans his head a little closer and says, “You still wanna be alone, or you gonna let me in?”

Steve searches his face for a long moment; Bucky's never sure what he's looking for when he does that. Finally Steve nods and unlocks the door. They’ve barely got it closed and locked behind them before Bucky pulls Steve into his arms, hugging him as hard as he can. Steve wraps his arms around Bucky’s waist and hugs him back, and Bucky can feel the stiff tension in his skinny arms, and the way his breathing shudders on the edge of tears without ever going over. Steve's been guarding like this, clenched up, every time Bucky's seen him since the night his mom passed. Bucky has to do something.

He backs Steve into the wall, lets go of his shoulders to palm Steve’s cheek, run his fingers through his hair, tilt his face up for a kiss. It starts out soft and chaste, but when Steve relaxes minutely and winds his arms around Bucky’s neck, Bucky can’t help but deepen it. He licks at Steve's lips and into Steve’s mouth, like he can draw the pain out that way. Steve whimpers and opens his mouth wider, tongue stroking against Bucky's, and Bucky presses Steve into the wall with his body, takes his frail weight on his arms. He knows he hasn't a hope of containing Steve - Steve can't contain Steve - but maybe he can support him, lend him some of Bucky's strength, else what is it for?

Bucky only had necking in mind, but pressed so tightly together he can feel Steve starting to get hard. His own tactless dick has a more or less constant happy half-chub around Steve, which perks fully to attention at this discovery. It's an act of extreme willpower not to grind against him, rendered pointless a moment later when Steve rolls his hips and makes another sound - softer, less pained.

"Yeah?" Bucky murmurs. "You wanna?" Steve doesn't answer in words, but his arms tighten around Bucky's neck and he starts to pull himself up, spreading his legs. Bucky reaches down and hoists him with his hands on Steve's behind, and Steve wraps his legs around Bucky's waist, and they're off. Grinding in earnest now, cocks trapped in their trousers and rubbing over and along and beside each other, while up top their kissing turns dirtier, more driven. There isn't an inch of Steve's mouth Bucky hasn't stroked with his tongue, and his lips feel wet and swollen against Bucky's. He tears himself away from the kiss and nuzzles into the crook of Steve's neck, where the sex-flush is spreading from Steve's face down past his collar; Bucky knows if he opens Steve's shirt he'll see it on Steve's bony chest.

His own chest feels like it's going to burst, so he takes Steve's earlobe lightly in his teeth and gives it a tug, then lets the words start rolling out:

"Baby." He kisses Steve's neck. "Steve, baby, you gotta tell me what you want." He gropes Steve's ass where he's still holding Steve up, one tight little cheek cupped in each hand. "You can have anything, anything you want, lemme do it for you, doll. You wanna just rub off right here, we can do that, or lemme suck you, sweetheart. Or lay you down and do you-" Steve knocks his head back against the wall with a groan. "Yeah? You want me to do you?"

"Here," Steve pants, "do me right here." Bucky's hips jerk and he kisses Steve hard, and Steve's already going pliant, opening his mouth wider, tongue drawing Bucky's in more than venturing out.

"Jesus, that's so hot. You got it, babe. Hold on tight." He hoists Steve higher for a minute, fumbling his belt open and yanking at his pants and shorts. "Just get you outta your britches here, only plus to you wearing 'em so baggy, it's a crying shame all other ways, but I love that I can get to you so easy." Steve doesn't even have to untangle his legs from around Bucky's waist.

Steve's ass gets exposed first, and Bucky's been gripping it this whole time but now he has to stop for a second to stroke and squeeze the firm muscles and velvety skin. "Jesus, your ass is perfect as a fuckin' peach," he mutters helplessly, blushing himself, "wanna sink my teeth in, get it all juicy."

"Fuckin' hell!" Steve wheezes, not asthma, just arousal and an edge of shocked laughter. "The things you _say_ , Buck!"

Bucky kisses him. "I can't help it, you know I can't, darlin'. You turn me on so much, I feel like I'm gonna die, and when I'm turned on I run my mouth."

"Should sti-stick my cock in it," Steve says desperately. It just so happens Bucky's freeing that big boy right then.

"You definitely should," Bucky agrees, shuddering at the wet smack Steve's cock makes when it springs loose of his pants and slaps into Steve's belly. It's heavy and long, reaching right up to Steve's navel now that it's finally all the way hard - which takes some doing, with the limited pressure from Steve's fluttering heart. Bucky's mouth waters. "Damn, you're leaking everywhere, baby boy. I oughta get my mouth on that thing, lick it all-"

Steve cuffs him on the back of the head. "No! Eyes on the prize, mister. Open me up!"

Bucky chuckles, delighted that he's gotten Steve to sass him. "You asked for it, baby." He braces Steve against the wall with his hips to free his hands, snugging his own comparatively modest hard-on up against Steve's balls and the base of his cock. Because he lives in hope, Bucky carries a slim little pomade tin filled with Vaseline, and he slicks up his fingers now. "Are you ready, doll? Here we go..." He spreads Steve's asscheeks and slides his fingers into the crack.

"Ahhh-ah!" Steve's voice is low and hoarse; he's trying not to holler. Just that first touch of Bucky's hand already has Steve curling his hips toward him and throwing back his head, stretching out like his spine is melting.

"Jesus, Stevie," Bucky whispers, awed, "it kills me how much you love this." He strokes tenderly over and around Steve's opening, gathers up a little more slick from the tin. "You can't wait for me to get inside, can you?"

"I can't, I can't wait, please don't make me- mmph!" Bucky slides a finger in deep and fast, and Steve grabs Bucky's face and muffles a cry into his mouth, then a long, low moan when Bucky slides his finger in and out and twists it around. Bucky adds a second finger and Steve tears his mouth away to thump his head back into the wall again, clenching his jaw and strangling his voice in his throat.

"Aw, baby, no. Lemme hear those sweet sounds," Bucky croons, scissoring his fingers gently. "You're good, you're so good, taking it for me so pretty like this. Love how it drives you wild, me playing with your sweet little hole." He busts out his best move: slips in a third finger, crooks all three, and strokes hard into the lump against Steve's front wall. As he strokes, he coaxes, almost chanting, "C'mon, lemme hear it, give it up, give it to me, tell me- how it- _feels_ -" and finally Steve gasps out:

"B-Bucky, _please_ , f-fuck me now." He's open, he's so open, touching his forehead to Bucky's and staring into his eyes; his pupils are completely blown. Steve's cock is straight up drooling precome, glued right to his belly with it. There are fine tremors dancing over every part of his body, especially his ass, which is hot and soft and clinging around Bucky's fingers, and yeah. Steve's ready. Bucky pulls his hand out and rubs slick onto his cock in a single rough stroke, doesn't dare to touch himself more than that.

"I've got you, sweetheart. Got what you need right here." Bucky's voice is shaking. He grabs Steve's ass and lines himself up, and starts to push in just as Steve sinks down against him. Steve lets out a shivery sigh when Bucky seats himself balls-deep in a single thrust, trailing into soft little cries of "ah, ah, ah!" as Bucky flattens his forearms against the wall and starts to fuck Steve hard and fast.

"Steve." Bucky kisses his face frantically. "Stevie, love. Are you with me? Say you're with me, baby, I'm dyin' here."

"I'm-oh! I'm with you." Steve's voice is thin and high. He's shining with sweat, beaded with it, and Bucky licks a long stripe up his neck.

"I'm close, I'm so close, this ain't gonna take much. I just need to see you come, love, wanna see that big dick of yours go off for me. So just- just reach down and- and _touch_ \- _yeah_ -" Steve does it, lets go where he's been hanging on for dear life around Bucky's neck and takes his cock in his big, long-fingered, beautiful hand.

"Buck- uh- _mmmph_!" A few pulls is all it takes before Steve's coming, spurting all over his belly and his rucked-up shirt, Bucky swallowing Steve's hoarse scream. He fucks Steve through it, short stuttering rolls of his hips as he speeds up his own slope, and falls off the edge with a nakedly adoring "oh, _Stevie_!", pouring himself out, as tangled up and buried deep in Steve as he can possibly get.

The wall is holding the both of them up now as they catch their breath, both of them heaving wet gasps. Eventually Bucky's breath quiets, but Steve's is getting louder. Bucky slips out of him, and carries him the few steps into his room before Steve can collect himself enough to protest. Bucky quickly strips them both, sacrifices his underwear to wiping them down. He has Steve curled up on his chest under the covers by the time his gasps have built into keening sobs, as the grief he's been locked around finally starts to leave his body.

Bucky strokes Steve's back up and down, and kisses the top of his head, and weeps his own tears for Sarah Rogers, who raised Bucky's absolute favorite person in the world, and who was one of Bucky's other favorite people besides, and who is dead.

***

Bucky keeps trying to tell Steve that Bucky is dead, but Steve won't believe him.

Part of it's his own fault, keeping the name. At Bucky's request, Steve has tried out ‘James’ and ‘Barnes’ and even ‘Sergeant’, and all of them sounded wrong and jarring in that familiar ( _pretty_ ) mouth. He's asked most other people, all of Steve's crazy new friends, to call him those things - except ‘Sergeant’, that was the rank held by Bucky who died - but he _wants_ Steve to call him Bucky. He's working hard on asking for the things he wants. And it's mostly okay, except he thinks it's confusing for Steve.

They're sitting on the floor, backs against Steve's couch. Their stomachs are full of BLT sandwiches; one of the many reasons coming to stay with Steve was the correct ( _right_ ) decision is that he understands just how much food Bucky needs to not be hungry. Now they're drinking beer. They can't get drunk, but the beer is cold and bitter and fizzy, and a good source of extra calories besides.

"I dunno, Buck," Steve is saying. "You seem pretty alive to me."

Bucky blows out an annoyed breath, suddenly wishing his hair was flopped in his face so he could have the satisfaction of puffing it off. But it's nominally up in a bun specifically to prevent that, so.

He looks over at the object of his irritation ( _affection_ ). Steve has one leg straight and one leg bent, and is resting his beer on his bent knee. He's stripped down to his undershirt and jeans, lightly sheened with sweat from the hot day. He's not smiling, but he's not unhappy, just calm, honest ( _too serious_ ).

Bucky shifts his weight restlessly. He's had a partial erection almost constantly for days, and it's growing harder to ignore. Something his handlers gave him had kept his prick soft and sex off his mind, but it’s been out of his system for a while now. It's distracting.

He looks at Steve again, and reflects on his uncharacteristic refusal to face the truth of things. He knows ( _remembers_ ) that sometimes Steve needs help to make his body relax before he can admit to strong feelings, and that Bucky used to be the best at helping Steve relax. He thinks that he would like to help Steve with that again. He finishes his beer in silence, then:

“Steve?”

“Yeah, Buck?”

“Would you let me suck your cock?”

Steve’s eyes widen and he chokes on his beer. Some comes out his nose. Bucky scoots closer and pats him on the back carefully with his metal arm.

When Steve can breathe again, he looks at Bucky very intently. “Do you _want_ to- do that?” They’ve had many conversations about wanting things.

Bucky nods firmly. “Yes. I want to.”

Steve looks in Bucky’s eyes, studies his face. Bucky holds his gaze ( _what do you look for_ ). Finally Steve’s expression softens and he turns his body to face Bucky, opening his arms. Bucky goes eagerly into the hug; Steve is ( _always_ ) generous with his body when it comes to Bucky. Bucky spent his first few days ( _back_ ) with Steve wallowing in contact, constantly touching or being touched; it was the first thing he asked for after food. If he could have gone everywhere riding Steve piggyback he would have. The crawling hunger for skin-to-skin contact has since faded to a general thrum of preferring to be near Steve almost all the time, but this new, more complex want is rising to prominence. Bucky hopes blowing Steve satisfies it ( _can’t get enough of you_ ).

Steve lifts a careful hand to Bucky’s face, rubs a thumb over his cheek. “Can I kiss you?”

Bucky thinks that sounds like the usual way to start this sort of thing, so he answers by pressing his lips to Steve’s. It feels _good_ when Steve moves his lips against Bucky’s; he instantly decides he should have been kissing Steve all along. He sucks and nips at Steve’s lips, teasing at them with his tongue until they part, then draws Steve’s tongue into his own mouth ( _let me have it_ ) and sucks on that like he _wants_ to suck on Steve’s cock.

Bucky's left hand creeps up to Steve’s shoulder, and his right drifts down to cup the bulge in Steve’s jeans, massaging it. Steve is already hard, and part of him is surprised by that, and he wonders why he is surprised, until he recalls Steve’s file: he used to have a weak heart before the serum ( _scare me to death_ ). If his penis was always as large ( _perfect_ ) as what Bucky is feeling under his hand now, it might have taken a long time to become erect. As it is, he opens Steve’s jeans and the hot, hard flesh fairly leaps into his hand.

Bucky breaks the kiss and swallows, his mouth suddenly full of saliva. “Steve,” ( _Stevie_ ) he murmurs, “take these off?” Steve’s face is pink and he’s breathing hard. He’s so _pretty_. He’s also ( _sweetly_ ) responsive, struggling out of his jeans and underwear even as his hips arch into Bucky’s hands. Bucky looks down at the long, golden lines of his legs, and his big, enticing dick, _already getting wet for me_ , and licks his lips. “Is it okay if I just go down on you?” he says. Steve makes a strangled grunt and his whole body twitches, then he nods. Bucky shuffles back and gets down on his elbows between Steve’s legs.

He experiences a moment of nervousness that he won’t know what to do, but it is swamped by a huge wave of arousal as soon as he gets close enough to smell Steve’s cock. It smells like sweat and sex and _Steve_ , and Bucky was so _right_ to ask for this. He surges forward and takes the smooth, leaking head into his mouth and can’t hold back a moan at the taste, it’s _so good,_ ( _s_ _o sweet for me_ ). He grips the base and slides down, filling his mouth with Steve, sucking hard, caressing him with his tongue.

“Oh! God, Bucky,” Steve groans.

Bucky lets him go with a pop. “You like that?” he says, his voice going husky, less flat. It doesn’t sound like his voice. It alarms him slightly, so he sets his mouth to licking Steve from base to head, writing his name in Cyrillic ( _mine_ ).

“Yeah, yeah, I like it, Buck,” Steve pants. “Do - do you like it?”

Bucky moans ( _baby_ ) and starts sucking him again. Blowing Steve is not satisfying Bucky’s need; it’s intensifying it, making it grow until it feels like his whole body is hot and hungry ( _need you so much_ ). Abruptly he has to reach down and shove his own pants to his knees, clutching at his own hard cock with the cool metal of his left hand. With his right he steadies Steve’s shaft and slides down farther, taking Steve into his throat ( _give it to me_ ), spit leaking steadily past his lips and smoothing the way. He swallows, and his throat constricts around the thick flesh, and he thinks he’s going to gag but instead he swallows again and he’s there, his nose is pressed into Steve’s dark gold curls and Bucky _has him, he has Steve, got all of you babydoll_ , and he comes up just long enough to take a breath before going back down again, before any of the crazed words running through his head have a chance to make it out into the air.

“Bucky, Bucky,” Steve chants, tangling his fingers in Bucky’s hair, not pulling it, just touching him. “You might not remember,” he says, frantically, increasingly high-pitched, “I got- kind of a ha-hair trigger now, I’m gonna come really fast here.”

For an answer, Bucky moves halfway up Steve’s shaft and jacks him a couple of times with his hand. Steve’s hips start to tremble, and his hands tighten in Bucky’s hair - he’s trying to pull Bucky off, _like hell, wanna taste you sweetheart_. Bucky stays right where he is, and sucks harder, hollowing his cheeks. Finally Steve makes a long, loud noise of mixed anguish and relief, _yeah there you go, come for me_ , and his cock jerks in Bucky’s mouth, flooding his mouth with wet salt that he swallows with a hum of delight.

Bucky gentles him through it, holding him with just lips and tongue until Steve whimpers like even that’s too much, _shh I’ve got you_ , then he lets him go and crawls back up Steve’s body on jittery limbs. He’s beyond feeling hot; he feels electrified. He rubs his erection against Steve’s taut belly and almost whites out then and there as he feels Steve getting hard again.

“What?” he rasps.

“Yeah, you only got to see this a few times. Comes with the hair trigger. I’m good for two in a row easy, three if I push it.” Steve’s hair is damp with sweat, and he’s grinning. He takes Bucky and himself in his big, warm hand and jacks the two of them together. Bucky braces his strong left arm on Steve’s shoulder, hearing the couch cushion pop as he digs his fingers into it.

“ _God, that feels so good, baby_ ,” he groans, too far gone to hold the words back anymore.

Steve stutters in his rhythm. “What did you call me?” he demands hoarsely.

Bucky grunts and pulls at Steve’s hand, getting him moving again. “I called you _baby, my baby, my sweet baby boy_.” His forehead falls against Steve’s; he’s shuddering with sensory overload, and a kind of joyous terror as the voice of a dead man falls hot and gravelly from his lips. “Steve. _Stevie. Please, give it to me, love, I need it so bad_.” He’s so close to Steve that their eyelashes are touching. He kisses Steve’s mouth frantically and ruts into Steve’s hand.

“Bucky!” Steve’s eyes fall shut. He grips their cocks tightly and strokes them fast, just this side of hurting. It’s perfect.

“ _Perfect_ ,” Bucky moans, feeling the glittering rush bearing down on him. “Steve, _Steve, I’m_ -” and then he’s coming, yelling like he’s being electrocuted again, but it feels the exact opposite, like tendrils of himself are crackling out into the world, into Steve who’s coming with him, and everything is lighting up at once.

He collapses onto Steve’s chest, blowing like a racehorse. Steve is still pulsing out a slow trickle into the soaking mess of his lap, kissing Bucky’s eyelids and wrapping his huge arms around Bucky’s shoulders, which are starting to shake.

“ _Steve_.” Bucky’s voice is thick, his throat hurting, his eyes stinging.

“Shh, shh, I’ve got you. Bucky.” There’s a creak in Steve’s voice, too.

Bucky clutches at Steve like a drowning man, gulping air desperately. "Oh shit, oh fuck." Tears are running down his face, and Steve is squeezing him hard with his arms and rubbing little circles on Bucky's heaving back with his hands, and Bucky's alive, he's alive, he's alive, he's alive.


End file.
